“Brrrrrrrrrrr.. Beep!” That is the sound of a money counting machine that we all wish we would constantly hear. Our popular culture overwhelms us with images and descriptions of the small guy that makes it big. The drug dealer turned rapper with all the jewels and the luxurious cars is the archetype that first comes to mind. They show off beautiful girls, haughty homes, and car interiors so clean that one can almost smell the leather. These rappers refer to ‘the life’ as the lifestyle of the successful hustler or dealer that has endless amounts of women, money, and other enticing lures. But it is all smoke and mirrors; a mirage manufactured to condition as many people as possible into illegal activity to fill privately owned prisons and cemeteries, and to spend money they barely have, and sometimes isn’t even theirs, so these people never accumulate any kind of real wealth and they become a cancer to themselves and those around them.
The life is a backboard without a rim; meaning you can play the game but somehow every time you score it doesn’t count. The life is like the carrot on the stick that the donkey never gets to eat and fully enjoy, always reaching out for the unattainable. The life gives you miniscule slices of tainted happiness that would mean nothing if it weren’t for the twenty other associates tossing money around in the gentlemen’s club with you. The life plays with your pride until it becomes self destructive. You blow off a large amount of money and proclaim that you can make it all back the next day. Whenever you make money fast it tends to leave your grip in the same chaotic fashion. So you fall into this cycle of working or hustling just to pay for the daunting expenses of the life, never saving any of the cash you become so proud of. It becomes a constant tug of war of emotions that eventually leaves you restless and vulnerable to the many pitfalls of the life.
When it comes to life and money, there are many ways to make it, and yet still there are much more ways to lose it. There’s the beautiful girl that seduces you to dig in your pockets when you don’t notice. Or worse, she seduces you and sets you up to get robbed at gun point. There’s the undercover officer trying to earn a promotion at your freedom’s expense. There are also the friends that become strangers, and therefore potential enemies. These are all what I like to call ‘the B-side of the game.’ Much like the B-side of an old music single cassette tape, it is the side that never makes it into the public’s eye. When a young man or woman is drawn into the life he or she rarely stops to think about the drawbacks of it. It’s all so ideally simple and figured out. But when you have less than twenty four hours to pay your rent without a dime in your pocket; when you end up having to do business out of town and your girlfriend is constantly accusing you of cheating, even though it isn’t the case; when you have to cut ties to an old friend because he becomes greedily inclined to taking your share; when you have to explain to your distributor that money, ultimately belonging to him, was confiscated by a sheriff; when you are sitting in a hotel room with a beautiful girl and the moment is ruined by your inquiry of her motives; when you start to develop trust issues and you fail to have any type of meaningful relationship; when you are staring down the barrel of a metallic black gun barrel; when you constantly lose good friends that were so young and full of promise, either to prisons or cemeteries, and you start to foreshadow your own demise; when your brothers no longer respect you because of the person you are becoming; when your mother is constantly crying and your father cannot take the stress so much that he begins to suffer from hypertension, eventually having a heart attack that kills him – then the smoke and mirrors fade and it is all useless.
“Brrrrrrrrrrr.. Beep!” The money counter doesn’t miss a single bill yet it ceases to hold the same meaning it once did. The complex dynamics of this hoax leave you empty in the end and the money stops being a motive. The life is simply a magic trick or illusion that once demystified is actually not that elaborate at all. It requires one to not have an emotional connection with anyone. Today I don’t owe anyone anything and no one owes me, I like it that way. To me the life carries a reluctant nostalgia in which I am reminded mostly of the negative aspects of it. The life now is infused with a whole new meaning. The life now is simply kicking off my work boots after a hard day’s work, drinking a cold beer, and watching my sons play with their cars, train set, or one of the many other toys I have given them with honest currency. Ah, it’s the life!
DiligentChris 